Awe-ma versus Trau-ma: Processing Hurricane Fiona 2022

In September of 2022, Hurricane Fiona crashed onto the shores of southern Puerto Rico, unleashing a deluge of water that left the land ravaged and transformed. The rains were a relentless assault, causing giant landslides, and ripping a vital bridge from its banks, severing our access to the forest. The river’s blood-red boundaries stretched out like a painter’s canvas, waiting to be filled with new colors, mesmerizing and ever evolving, as the storm wreaked havoc on the land.The aftermath of the hurricane was a scene of red-clay chaos and destruction, with rivers of clay running down the mountains. Landslides of gargantuan proportions blocked the main roads and devastated our forest road that led to the broken bridge. The rains poured down for weeks, then months, after the hurricane. The view of the coast from the mountain showed us the enormity of the ripped clay from the mountains. The experience was incredibly traumatic.Many of us struggled to make sense of what had happened, and the emotional toll of the disaster was palpable in every conversation and interaction, at least on the south side of the island. Despite being a category 1 hurricane, Fiona caused more permanent physical damage to the land than category 4/5 Hurricane Maria did five years ago.Amidst the tumultuous throes of trauma and chaos, there were times of sublime expansion that I have come to label “awe-ma.” These experiences left an indelible impression on my consciousness. Struck by the elemental might of water, a profound shift in my being occurred. I became aware that I was truly in a state of awe, in the most authentic sense of the word. No longer bound by the chains of affliction, I was transformed by the ineffable grandeur of awe-ma; a wholly novel realm of existence was unveiled before me, forever altering my perception of reality.

In the weeks following the disaster I saw countless acts of bravery and charity, as people banded together to support one another in whatever way they could. Strangers, neighbors, and brigades of volunteers (organized online), worked together to clean up debris that hampered the way, and to provide any help that people needed.

I was suffering trauma; the destruction I saw before me was heartbreaking, almost too much to bear, but then, I began experiencing awe-ma. I was provided with physical motivation and emotional hope, and the ability to truly have courage in adversity. Upon reflection of this experience, I have rediscovered the fundamental enigma of awe-ma and trauma. Amidst the depths of profound suffering, I discovered moments of exceptional transcendent beauty and inspiration that enabled me to move forward with clarity, and instill my adversity with purpose.

It is through this experience of awe-ma that I discovered the courage and resilience necessary to confront trauma. The mystery of awe-ma and trauma lies not in their mutual exclusivity, but rather in their intertwined and interconnected nature, with each serving to enrich the other in a dynamic and often paradoxical dance. For it is only through the trials of suffering that we truly appreciate the grandeur of awe-ma, and it is only through the realization of awe-ma that we may begin to comprehend the vast and complex nature of the traumas that we encounter.

At the heart of awe-ma is the idea of transcendence, or the experience of something that is beyond our ordinary understanding or everyday experience. Awe-ma can lead us to question our assumptions about the world and our place in it, and it can inspire us to seek out new experiences and perspectives that challenge our beliefs and expand our understanding. In contrast, trauma can shatter our sense of connection and meaning, leaving us feeling adrift and disconnected from the world around us. Trauma can challenge our beliefs about the nature of life and our place in it and can lead us to question the basic assumptions that underlie our sense of self and ultimately, purpose.

Despite these differences, awe-ma and trauma are not necessarily incompatible. It is frequently through catastrophe or crisis that we learn to value the moments of connection and beauty in our lives and find the inspiration to continue with a new sense of purpose and resolve.

I see trauma and awe-ma as two opposing sides of the same mystery that is the human experience. We are both delicate and tough creatures, able to both experience and bear intense pain and sorrow as well as sublime moments of beauty. The core of my human experience and the will to keep looking for meaning and purpose in my life is found in the tension between these two extremes.

At the core of my being lies a profound sense of empathy and connection with my fellow human beings, cultivated through the crucibles of both awe-ma and trauma. As I gaze upon the tapestry of human experience, I cannot help but recognize the threads of commonality that unite us all. Through the transformative power of awe-ma, I have discovered the means by which I may transmute my experiences of trauma and suffering into opportunities for growth and renewal, forging ahead with an unyielding optimism and a boundless creative resolve. It is in these amazing moments of life that I discover the inherent meaning and purpose of my journey, even in the face of extreme adversity.

Life’s challenges have given me the impetus for my own evolution, the opportunity to shed my limitations and reframe my perspectives, propelling me towards a greater understanding of the true nature of humanity, and my essential relationship to all that surrounds me. Through the transformative power of adversity, I am compelled to reach deeper within myself, with newly found wisdom and appreciation, tapping into reserves of resilience and creative potential that I may not have otherwise known existed. The experience of awe-ma has been a powerful awakening. It is as if I have stepped through a portal into a world where I can tap into a superhuman power — the power of awe. In this state of awe, I sense the connection to something much greater than myself. I am aware of the intense beauty and complexity of the world around me, and I am in a state of deep gratitude and wonder. Awe has the power to broaden my perspective, to make me more compassionate, and to inspire me to take action, thereby giving me much needed confidence, and courage. In recognizing the power of awe, I have come to realize that it is a transformative force in my life.